Tuesday, June 8, 2010

one less unicorn

it's ringing in my ears. it won't let up. a faint symphony. sad and dark. she said she saw me in her mind's eye like unicorns, butterflies, rainbows and joy. but she saw the darkness too. she didn't understand it. but it's a necessary, delicate balance. you can't have one without the other i suppose. and so i feel the high and the low. sometimes it swells up inside me like the rising tide. swallows me whole and i lose my ground. like the sand beneath my feet is pulled away into the ocean with each powerful wave. suddenly the ground beneath you is moving and you cannot maintain stability. you get so caught up in your fear. you obsess and worry. just let go. move your focus elsewhere. give it to the wave, the ocean. give it to someone else. free yourself by shifting your focus. easier said than done sometimes. most of the time. and when something shatters, like your heart, you'll never get all the pieces to fit back together in exactly the same way. oh you can be whole again, but you won't be the same. maybe there is a bit more darkness. one less unicorn.

how many times will i say that i want to make music. art. a gift from my soul? and how many days pass filled with work, work, work? plans. life maintenance. laundry on the fifth floor. my heart yearns to sing. to create. scrapbooking keeps me satisfied like a light appetizer when you're really hungry. but i want to be filled. so this week's end will involve finally setting up my recording area. and possibly a song. maybe i'll collect a few of the tiny missing pieces of my heart along the way. another unicorn. joy.